PRE WARNING: There is a lot of explicit language in this post.
So life is shit at the moment. There, I said it. It’s shit. There’s no other way of putting it. I kind of feel a bit silly admitting that, but I’ve learnt to talk about things more lately. The worst of it all is that my problems are literally nothing in comparison to other people I have met. I should just shut the fuck up and be a little more grateful for what I have. The problem is, I don’t know how to at the moment.
Before you continue reading, I want to mention that I don’t want this to be all ‘woe is me’ and all that bullshit, I’m just keeping it pretty real and honest right now, and hopefully this will allow me to have somewhere to allow my true feelings to come out.
The biggest thing in my life at the moment is the split with my ex partner. Wow, that felt really weird calling him my ex. What’s worse is he hasn’t actually done anything wrong, which is annoying because I can’t hate him. I can’t get angry at him and I can’t just shout at him and make myself feel better. He’s just been the honest human being he always has been, and I fucking hate that.
On top of this, I have just moved out of Birmingham where all my friends and family are to a place called Worcester, which is really beautiful and I love it here. Part of the reason I chose here was because I wanted my ‘ex’ to fall in love with it too. But I’m here, thankfully it’s only a few miles up the motorway to see my family, so it’s not all that bad. But the way I am at the moment, it feels about 1million times worse.
To top it all off, I’m really unhappy with my own image at the moment, with my weight and my lack of exercise. I hate what I see in the mirror, and I just don’t want to wear any nice clothes because of it. That’s the perfect attitude to have as a single man!
Now I’ve got all that off my chest, I want to get to the real reason I’m writing this post. I know I’m not the only one with struggles, I know we all have our own shit to deal with. But right now I feel like I’m alone in this. Which sounds stupid because I have the most amazing support network around me, who have literally been perfect, so why am I feeling this way? Surely I’m just being stupid?! I know what is going to make me feel better, eating healthy and becoming more active again will boost me so much, but I just don’t have the motivation to do this.
Plus, I don’t have the motivation to work or run any of my businesses, which makes me an awful business man and a horrible boss (I’m sorry team!). Will someone just slap some fucking sense into me so I can get myself back on track to my privileged life that I’m being so whiney about?
I think it might be time to refer back to my own PMA blog post and read it to myself, maybe I’ll have a bit of a reality check then. Let me know if you’ve been in a similar situation, I’d like to know how you dealt with your feelings, selfishly I think it would make me feel a little better.