PRE WARNING: There is a lot of explicit language in this post.

So life is shit at the moment. There, I said it. It’s shit. There’s no other way of putting it. I kind of feel a bit silly admitting that, but I’ve learnt to talk about things more lately. The worst of it all is that my problems are literally nothing in comparison to other people I have met. I should just shut the fuck up and be a little more grateful for what I have. The problem is, I don’t know how to at the moment.

Before you continue reading, I want to mention that I don’t want this to be all ‘woe is me’ and all that bullshit, I’m just keeping it pretty real and honest right now, and hopefully this will allow me to have somewhere to allow my true feelings to come out.

The biggest thing in my life at the moment is the split with my ex partner. Wow, that felt really weird calling him my ex. What’s worse is he hasn’t actually done anything wrong, which is annoying because I can’t hate him. I can’t get angry at him and I can’t just shout at him and make myself feel better. He’s just been the honest human being he always has been, and I fucking hate that.

On top of this, I have just moved out of Birmingham where all my friends and family are to a place called Worcester, which is really beautiful and I love it here. Part of the reason I chose here was because I wanted my ‘ex’ to fall in love with it too. But I’m here, thankfully it’s only a few miles up the motorway to see my family, so it’s not all that bad. But the way I am at the moment, it feels about 1million times worse.

To top it all off, I’m really unhappy with my own image at the moment, with my weight and my lack of exercise. I hate what I see in the mirror, and I just don’t want to wear any nice clothes because of it. That’s the perfect attitude to have as a single man!

Now I’ve got all that off my chest, I want to get to the real reason I’m writing this post. I know I’m not the only one with struggles, I know we all have our own shit to deal with. But right now I feel like I’m alone in this. Which sounds stupid because I have the most amazing support network around me, who have literally been perfect, so why am I feeling this way? Surely I’m just being stupid?! I know what is going to make me feel better, eating healthy and becoming more active again will boost me so much, but I just don’t have the motivation to do this.

Plus, I don’t have the motivation to work or run any of my businesses, which makes me an awful business man and a horrible boss (I’m sorry team!). Will someone just slap some fucking sense into me so I can get myself back on track to my privileged life that I’m being so whiney about?

I think it might be time to refer back to my own PMA blog post and read it to myself, maybe I’ll have a bit of a reality check then. Let me know if you’ve been in a similar situation, I’d like to know how you dealt with your feelings, selfishly I think it would make me feel a little better.

16 Comments

  1. Dearest Wayne you are not the only one that goes through stages in life like this. I have been where you are now and I came through the other side. Take a look around you at the family, friends and people that you mean the world to. They are the ones that will get you through this difficult time. I know mine did. You are a very special man and do an amazing job and a lot of people look up to you.. Think of all the good things that you do and the most caring person you are. Things will work out for you I’m sure. Stay positive and look forward to the future. Be strong. Xx

  2. You’re doing absolutely fantastic.
    Do you know what you’re allowed to feel like shit and be honest with yourself. You can have the best support network around and still feel alone hell I know. My 8 month old daughters disabled and although I have my amazing family up the road and all these health professionals in touch daily or weekly I still feel alone.
    Things will get better. You are doing amazing. You may have moved but see that as a new chapter. Just because one part of your life has come to a close another one is just opening up. Your life will be full of chapters, some fantastic ones, some sad ones even some scary ones, but that makes your life so unique. It’s what makes you so unique and incredible. Take each and every day as it comes life to short to be looking backwards, that’s why we have eyes in the front of our heads. To keep looking forwards. Don’t worry so much about your weight, be happy as you are. Someone offers you some cake take it, eat the takeaway or go for a meal out. Treat yourself you deserve it. You’re beautiful inside and out, no one really cares how big the scales say you are.
    Swimming I found fantastic, it’s a great all round exercise that is just so peaceful.
    Just remember you’re allowed bad days, crappy weeks or months. Don’t ever feel down for being human and having these emotions. We are all here for you ❤️

  3. Sounds like you are feeling a bit depressed hun have you thought about going to the doctor’s about how you feel. You are not alone with how you are feeling believe me. Life can be shit it doesn’t matter if your privileged or not depression doesn’t care how much you earn it can effect anyone. Hope you feel better soon and remember feeling shit is defently nothing to feel ashamed about.

  4. Stay strong and you will come out the other side…. you go amazing things and inspire others too. But always remember just having so you time is good to get ur prospects back on track xxxx

  5. It sounds like you’re depressed. Everything you’ve said I’ve said or felt at one time or another in the last 10 years, which is how long I’ve officially been classed as depressed. And, believe it or not, it’s not all bad: what depression forces you to do is to examine your life, your loves, your motivations, etc, and to concentrate on those things that please you, or gives you strength, or, makes you a better person. Surround yourself with positive influences, cut out anyone or anything that brings you down, and look after No.1. Sounds selfish, but, it has to be done as often it’s the most caring, generous and motivational people who get depressed. You’ll get there, and one day, you’ll not mind that you went through this shite as it had to be done for you to evolve xx

  6. oh Wayne
    you are gorgeous and I love you to bits
    I love watching you videos and watching you sign wished I could learn it
    shit happens I my self going through it at the moment recently lost my mom who was no who is my world but you just have to brush yourself down pick your self up and carry on
    all the people that love us would want us to carry on and not give in to all the shit that life throws at us
    we need to stay strong for those that need us and those that we can help who in turn help us to stay strong to be able to be who we are and who we want to be
    so you stay strong ang be the kind caring person I’ve watched and seen in the videos I love you to bits even thou I haven’t met you I know you’ll come out the other side and who knows we might meet one day sending you big big hugs x x x

  7. Aw big hugs to you .You’re quite right to feel sad at the moment. You’re grieving the end of your relationship.And you do seem such a nice person xxx I wish you well in your recovery .

  8. I don’t know you but watched many of your videos signing songs which are very good by the way I read people where writing not nice things and you have seemed to take this harder than you thought lots of knock backs bring you down.But just so you know everyone gets to this mental state a few times in their life even when deep down got lots of fab things going for them, this is easy said than done when it’s you suffering but I hope you pull yourself back to the real you very soon good luck

  9. Ask for some professional help! Find a therapist to discuss all this with (I am on the verge of asking myself).

    There is a strong possibility that more underlying things are going on.

  10. Sorry things are shit for you
    Don’t give up on yourself as it has been your inner strength that has got you this far in life
    You should look back to see all the things you have over come in your life feel proud of who you are

  11. i am so sorry to hear this and just goes to show you its true what some people say that you can be surrounded by so many people in your life and still feel alone. whatever your going through please just know you mean so much to so many people when my son met you it made hes day and mine you even sent me a birthday card that day as was my birthday love seeing your music videos and have always believed just by seeing your lovely face that you were meant for great things you have a way of makeing people happy just wish we could do the same for you always here if you need someone to talk to.xxxxxxxx

  12. Hi Wayne, I’m your mum’s cousin! Just wanted to reach out and tell you you will get through this (I’ve been there and currently have a nearly 18yr old daughter struggling with anxiety/depression) go and talk to your GP, it’s not all about antidepressants these days (although they can and do help some) they can refer you for talking therapies/counselling /CBT.
    Hope you start to feel more like yourself soon!
    Sam xx

  13. Depression is awful to deal with, especially when all you feel is guilt at the same time. I go through these feelings everyday. I have a wonderful family and some great friends but that voice always niggles. I found a good strategy for me was to start a new hobby (docs/health visitors wanted me medicated) just 2 hours a week away from my everyday life that was just mine and it turned out to be a wonderful counselling session too, it sometimes helps to talk to someone out of your immediate family/friend circle. The work you do is absolutely wonderful, but now is the time to do something for you. My hobby gave me back some of my confidence. You have made the first and big step talking about your feelings which can lighten the heavy load you are carrying, but please keep talking, problems cant be solved and people cannot help if things are hidden. You are a wonderful human being and you are extremely important to those family and friends around you, that is the most important thing to remember, I tell myself this constantly xx

  14. Hey 👋🏻 google ‘Fight or Flight’. It helped me get back on track and realise the physical feelings that come with anxiety and stress are something that I can learn to control. Hope this helps.
    Xxx

  15. Wayne, you are a wonderful man and don’t ever forget that. This is just a chapter in your life that’s ending. The best thing is a new chapter is beginning, you have a wonderful family and friends around you that love you so much. Please keep communicating with them don’t bottle things up, let people help you and you will get through this. Please remember you’re a treasure to a lot of people, you helped my daughter through a tough time and for that I’m eternally grateful. Sending so much love and hugs xxxxx

  16. You do need to read your own PMA comments and listen to your own advice., because they’re true and they work. But, we’re all human and none of us can feel upbeat and positive 100% of the time. Life and difficult events have a habit of getting in the way. We have to listen to our inner voice and act upon it. Remember, it’s okay not yo be okay! But, always talk about it and don’t push those away who are there to help you. A support network is crucial. Always remember that others admire, love and respect you and your positivity has pulled others through and will do the same for you. You don’t need heaps of motivation today, but just enough to make a small step in the right direction. We’ve all felt like you do now (for a whole variety of different health, personal, financial, emotional, self doubt or grief, related reasons). Look for the light at the end of the tunnel and take as many baby steps as you can muster towards it. Good Luck Wayne. You’ve got this. Julia x
    http://www.hashtagwhynot.co.uk
    #WHYNOT

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